Wednesday, 24 May 2017

result 4th semester

Hey guys

my biggest fear is finally happening. i don't score well for this semester since my pointer is totally below my expectation. i don't want to blame anyone because everything was good (carry marks and etc) except for my finals. seems like my finals didn't help me to reach a good grade. Sad. i can't deny it was tough. i can't recall everything during my finals because my brain already reach the saturated level. i failed to balance my rest and study time during the short gap and i couldn't believe it could affect me this bad. i always get high and sleepy during my examination. once i get high, omg my brain will no longer work to help me to get an answer because i will be so damn high. i'm 80% unconscious.

 i tried to reduce from consuming caffeine untuk exam kali nie because i will stay awake like crazy (a day before paper) and collapse like a zombie on the next day (during my paper)  it's abnormal and i wanna be free from caffeine for this time because exam i straight so takkan lah nak consume nescafe everyday. Nanti pressure sampai jadi kes sawan pulak  

however, most of my papers yang i kononnya nak free from caffeine collapse umpama saya yang rebah di dalam medan peperangan dgn mata pena di tangan. those days yang i consume caffeine, all good! sayang...

such a wasted effort. my momentum jaga pointer since semester 1 to semester 3 just dream to wear the pink sash is over. what sadden me the most is, i (and the other top scorers)  never get any certificates for our achievement. right now i terus rasa i have nothing special to be kept. cgpa and gpa jatuh teruk

my parents and family kecewa especially Abah. he expressed his disappointment for real lol. if he get disappointed, apetah lagi iolls. it hurts me till today, i almost reach it, but the chances just slip away through my fingers. 

i'm still trying to look this thing from a bright side, accepting everything with an open heart and have faith with what He had planned for me. my journey throughout semester 4 still wonderful tho bcs i had so much fun settle down all my assignments, making new friends, conducting an event and so forth, Those memories are priceless. people can talk shits regarding to my failure and point out every single things. i'll take it all, digest and reflect it all back to become a better one from all aspect. this is the best lesson to teach me to be more wise in managing my time and find another alternative to stay energetic instead of harming myself from consuming nescafe everyday. sooner or later, i'll be fine and i'll stand up back as a stronger and wiser one. everything needs time, so do i. i never expect healing process would be this difficult. how can i move on if i keep on remembering my dream has been ruined by myself.. tell me

so many loads to be carried for the upcoming semester in order to beat my last pointer. May Allah ease my last semester in Diploma 

cgpa: 3.43/3.63

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